Atomic Express

I was feeling a little nostalgic for the Cold War yesterday on 11 September. So I chilled with a little Armageddon.

You thought the “Terminator” series was conceptually groundbreaking?  Hmmm….check out the “Colossus: The Forbin Project.” (1969)

Ahhhh…the perfect martini.  Dr. Charles Forbin, inventor of the new American Doomsday Device called “Colossus” kicks back in his monitored quarters and attempts to relax while his creation hooks up with its Soviet counterpart Guardian, merges with it in an act of cybersex and then goes on to threaten humanity with nuclear extinction unless its commands are obeyed to the 0-1. Attempts to disable Colossus-Guardian with what amounts to a DDOS attack (1969-style of course) and replace the nuclear warheads hooked up to the machine(s) using scheduled maintenance (!) as a weapon ultimatley fail….

So I watched “Damnation Alley” (1979) right afterwards. A heartwarming tale involving armoured flesh-eating cockroaches, giant scorpions, and a neat amphibious multi-wheeled vehicle based on a USAF Mace missile transport truck. The surviving staff of a USAF Missile Wing tries to reach the nirvana of…Albany New York, by driving through the wastelands of a ravaged United States. 

Best piece of 1960′s-era computer dialogue pumped through an amplified voicebox before Darth Vader goes to Colossus:  “The peace of plenty and content or unburied death. Obey or Die.”

Suavest movie moment: When future soap-opera heart-throb Eric Braeden convinces his shapely female colleague AND the Colossus computer that he needs sex and privacy for “emotional” reasons.

Lamest movie moment: Re-using “Operation CROSSBOW” footage of a V-2 factory blowing up in “Damnation Alley” to represent the destruction of the Missile Wing.

Second Lamest movie moment: Paul Winfield (a fine actor in his own right who should not have been subjected to such indignities) getting eaten by armoured cockroaches.

Most Ironical Moment: George Peppard starred in both “Damnation Alley” AND “Operation CROSSBOW.”

Canadian Content: Gordon Pinsent plays a JFK-lookalike Prez. It’s the hair, baby.

Coolest vehicle on the planet for a 1970s pre-teenager: The Landmaster.

Weirdest Pre-Apocalyptic Cold War movie coincidence: Eric Braeden plays a German-accented US Government scientist in “Colossus” and in”Escape from the Planet of the Apes.”

BTW: the debate continues as to whether the Soviet Union actually deployed a Doomsday Device. Called “Perimeter” or “Dead Hand” in the media, more research needs to be done to determine what its capabilities were, both real or imagined although Bruce Blair’s work is pretty solid.

Though not technically a “doomsday device,” the US Air Force deployed a post-attack communications system in the 1960s called ERCS which was a flight of special ICBMs equipped with transmitters that would fly over the US and instruct surviving nuclear forces on the future course of action if there were no more command and control elements alive.

ERCS: